


Collision of Fate

by natashalieromanov



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gift Exchange, Kinda, M/M, Military Homophobia, References to Depression, Rhodey Birthday Week 2018, Rhodey and Tony love each other so much, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, rhodeybirthdaycelebration, soulmate rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 04:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16211621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natashalieromanov/pseuds/natashalieromanov
Summary: Fate brought James Rhodes and Tony Stark together, but sometimes Jim wonders if it's enough.





	Collision of Fate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamkist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamkist/gifts).



It’s the night of James Rhodes’ thirteenth birthday, and he can’t sleep. He’s been waiting for this day to come  _ forever _ , has been waiting for the name to appear on his right wrist.

 

The name of his soulmate. The person that fate picked to match him, who saw this other person and said,  _ “Yes, this will be the one for you _ .” Jim has spent  _ years  _ dreaming of his soulmate. How is he supposed to sleep knowing that, at the stroke of midnight, the name would finally appear? 

 

_ I hope they like flying too _ , is Jim’s last thought before he drifts off into a restless sleep. 

 

**

 

Jim wakes slowly. It takes him a moment, but something inside of him screams,  _ your soulmate, dummy,  _ and Jim immediately rolls his sleeve and stares in wonder. 

 

There, in messy black scrawl, is the name  _ Anthony Edward Stark _ .

 

“Hi, Anthony.” Jim whispers. “I can’t wait to meet you.”

 

**

 

For the next four years, Jim waits for his soulmate. Mama warned him that he wouldn’t meet Anthony right away, probably not for years, but her warning has done little to heed off Jim’s impatience. 

 

What if fate was wrong? What if it was a fluke and Jim didn’t have a soulmate, and he was destined to spend his life alone? 

 

He’s aware that the thoughts are silly. Especially when he can feel  _ sadness, terror, abandonment _ churning in his gut. 

 

“That must be a strong bond, Jimmy,” Mama says when he tells her. “Some soulmates can feel their partner’s emotions, but it’s certainly not common.”

 

Jim wants to meet Anthony and help him. 

 

He can’t make it all better, but surely he could  _ help _ . Instead, he’s stuck waiting.

 

And waiting.

 

And waiting. 

 

**

Four years later, Jim no longer has to wait. 

 

**

In an odd twist of fate, Anthony Edward Stark is his roommate at MIT.

 

“Holy shit,” he whispers breathlessly. “Are you James Rupert Rhodes? Fuck, I’ve waited, for like, ever, for this moment and I just -” He stops for breath, glances at Jim,  _ blushes,  _ and immediately looks towards the floor. Jim smirks. 

 

His soulmate isn’t  _ anything  _  like he expected. 

 

Jim has already adopted Tony when they finally shake hands, and Jim feels whole in a way that he hadn’t before. 

 

**

 

Tony is loud, defiant and messy. He never sleeps, and he mouths off, and he often forgets to eat if Jim doesn’t remind him. 

 

Tony is kind, compassionate (albeit in his own stunted way), and so very vulnerable. He’s an enigma. 

 

Jim’s glad that fate put them together. Tony keeps him on his toes, and Jim has  _ fun. _

 

**

 

Within a month, they become  _ Rhodey and Tones  _ instead of  _ Jim and Tony _ . 

 

**

 

They’re in their senior year when Jim realizes that he’s in love with Tony. 

 

Loves the way his hair curls, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, the way his eyes light up whenever an experiment works. 

 

Jim loves everything about Tony.

 

_ Fuck. _

 

**

 

He feels  _ complete  _  when he and Tony hold hands for the first time. Warmth spreads through his veins as Tony says, “I love you, darling.”

 

“I love you too, sunshine.” 

 

**

_ Rhodey and Tones  _ become  _ Darling and Sunshine _ . 

 

Jim knows the other shoe will drop eventually. He’s signed up to leave for the Air Force after graduation, and gay people aren’t allowed to serve in the military. He wonders how many others have had to lie, have had to say, “ _ No, sir, my soulmark is platonic _ ” just so they could serve their country.

 

It disgusts Jim that he has to do it, and he knows that what he has with Tony now won’t last forever.

 

Jim decides to put it on the backburner for now and focus on what he and Tony have.

 

What they have right now is good, and Jim refuses to destroy it before he absolutely has to. 

 

**

Tony’s parents die. 

 

Jim feels the crushing grief all the way into his bones. 

 

He’s not entirely sure that soulmates are supposed to feel their partner’s emotions.

 

But, Jim supposes as he threads his fingers through an inconsolable Tony’s curls, the two of them have always been a bit unconventional. 

 

**

 

Jim gets his orders from the Air Force. 

 

He breathes deeply through his nose, exhales slowly through the mouth. It’s all he’s been thinking about for weeks, and now that the moment is finally here, Jim feels a mixture of excitement, nerves, and sadness.

 

Flying has been his dream since he was a boy, but now he has to give up Tony. 

 

He knows what he has to do. He just hates himself for doing it.

 

**

 

They’re snuggling in Tony’s bed. The silence is heavy between them. Jim has been avoiding the topic all day, and Tony seems eager to ignore it as well. Neither wants to break their little bubble; their entire dynamic is about to change, and Jim hates himself a bit for doing this to them. 

 

But it needs to be done. The Air Force can’t know about him and Tony. Tony will understand.

 

Tony doesn’t cry when Jim softly says, “I think we need to cool things off for a bit, Tones.” He doesn’t even blink. He just burrows himself deeper into Jim’s side, and Jim slinks an arm around Tony’s back.

 

Jim can feel the  _ sadness, disappointment, resentment, acceptance  _ that’s taken home in Tony’s soul, can see the lingering pain in his eyes. Jim had vowed to  _ never  _ make Tony feel any of those things, to make him feel as worthless as others have, but here, in this moment, Jim knows that he has broken his promise. 

 

Tony deserves better, though. Deserves to be shown off and treasured instead of hidden like a dirty little secret. Jim could never do that to him. Tony deserves better. 

 

Especially from his soulmate.

 

**

Later, when Tony gazes at him through sleep-lidded eyes and mumbles, “I’m not mad at you, sugar”, Jim breathes a sigh of relief. 

 

**

 

Jim leaves. Tony comes to see him off and pretends that he isn’t crying. Jim can see right through him. 

 

Tony hugs him tightly and says, “Come home safely, darling.”

 

Jim can’t kiss him, doesn’t have the right to anymore. So instead he tightens his hold and says, “I’ll do my best, sunshine.”

 

**

 

Being away from Tony turns out to be harder than Jim thought it would be. He misses his family, but not having his soulmate nearby has sent Jim into a spiral he hadn’t anticipated.

 

Food tastes like ash, and his thoughts race as he tries to sleep. He struggles to get out of bed in the morning because he just can’t see the point in  _ anything.  _ But he carries on.

 

He’s just a little homesick. It’ll pass. 

 

**

 

Falling back into a platonic relationship is hard.

 

They’ve fallen back into  _ Rhodey and Tones, _ into  _ sugarplum and honeybear  _ instead of  _ darling and sunshine,  _ and Jim hates it. 

 

They never kissed, had never gotten far enough for that. But it had been enough for the both of them. 

 

His dream has always been to fly. He just hadn’t expected it to come with such a heavy price. 

 

**

 

Tony comes to visit him  _ “Purely for SI business, sugarplum”,  _ and the weariness that has settled in Jim’s bones starts to fade as he and Tony embrace. None of Jim’s squadron are suspicious; he’s managed to convince them that the bond he shares with Tony is merely platonic. 

 

Jim yearns to go back to MIT, to when they could cuddle and hold hands in the privacy of their dorm without a care in the world. He yearns for it so badly that he  _ aches  _ with it. 

 

And though he would never say it, Jim knows that Tony feels the same. Something inside of him shudders at the bags under Tony’s eyes; he  _ tsks _ worriedly as he rubs his hand up and down Tony’s bony spine. 

 

“You promised me you’d take care of yourself, Tones.” he chastises. 

 

Tony grins sheepishly and snuggles further into Jim’s arms. He feels more complete than he has since he left, but something is still  _ missing.  _ “I’m sorry, Rhodey. I just...didn’t expect it to be so hard is all.”

 

That Tony allows himself to be so open and vulnerable in front of him, that he has the privilege of seeing past the  _ Tony Stark  _ persona, will never cease to amaze Jim. The ache dissipates slightly as Jim tightens his embrace, and Tony sighs contentedly. 

 

If only it were enough.

 

**

 

It’s unbearable. A ball and chain are attached to his ankle, but only he can see them. 

 

Get up, work, eat, shower, lie in bed, get about four hours of sleep, repeat. Jim’s close to snapping; close to just saying  _ fuck it  _ and doing  _ something, anything _ to get rid of this soul-crushing sadness that has taken him hostage. He grabs one of Tony’s old sweatshirts and breathes in his soulmate’s scent, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay.

 

Jim knows that the pain inside of him isn’t his alone. 

 

That doesn’t make it any easier to bear. 

 

**

 

Tony sounds happy whenever they talk on the phone, but Jim knows he’s putting on a brave face. He hasn’t seen Tony in person in about six months, so he relies on polaroids sent in care packages and tabloids. 

 

Makeup can only do so much to hide dark bags. Baggy clothes can only hide a wiry frame for so long.

 

A happy voice can only do so much to mask the pain that Jim feels  _ searing  _ into his bones.

 

Tony’s always struggled with depression. But this? This is something else.

 

Something that Jim understands far too well. 

 

**

They dance around each other for years, both yearning for more than what they have.

 

That all ends in 1996 when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell passes.

 

Jim knows that he and Tony will never be able to get back together. Not after this, not unless Jim is prepared to risk everything.

 

Jim can’t do that, at least not yet.

 

Tony, blessedly, doesn’t even ask. 

 

There are no words needed between them, not even now. 

 

**

 

Jim manages to wrangle some leave. He flies to Philadelphia first to see his mother; then he makes his way to Malibu to see Tony. The ache is impossible to describe, and Jim is eager to see the only person who can understand, who feels exactly as he does.

 

Jim doesn’t understand why he feels so sad. When he tells Tony as much, he looks at him sympathetically and says, “Oh, Rhodey. Depression is a bitch, isn’t it?”

 

The ache dissipates slightly as he and Tony embrace. Jim buries his face into the crook of Tony’s neck and breathes in the scent of his cologne; relishes in the feeling of Tony’s fingers rubbing his scalp. 

 

It’s strange, Jim thinks. He feels  _ better  _ when he’s with Tony, but not  _ complete _ . There’s something missing. Jim has a nagging feeling that he knows exactly what it is, but he doesn’t dare mention it to Tony. 

 

Soulmates are supposed to complete each other. Tony would be devastated if Jim were to tell him that he doesn’t feel whole, would take it as Jim saying  _ you’re not good enough _ . 

 

Though if the sad look in his eyes is anything to go by, Tony already knows.

 

Jim hates himself just a little bit more.

 

They’re in Tony’s workshop three days later when it all comes to a head. Tony has been working furtively all morning, shooing Jim away whenever he meanders over to Tony’s bench. Jim narrows his eyes suspiciously, but walks back over to his own bench. Tony  _ never _ keeps secrets from him, not since MIT and he discovered the full extent of the abuse Howard Stark inflicted on him. 

 

But Jim would know if someone were hurting Tony like that again, right? Would be able to feel it? He stares at his work, unable to stop his racing thoughts, until Tony shouts his name.

 

“Rhodey, you have to look at this!” Tony rushes over to Jim’s workbench, eyes ablaze with something Jim can’t place. He takes the piece of paper from Tony’s shaking hands.

 

“What is it, Tones?”

 

Tony gesticulates wildly, and Jim grins. Tony’s passion is  _ adorable _ . “So you’ve been feeling pretty depressed lately, right? Right, I feel it, you don’t need to tell me - anyway, and I’ve been feeling even shittier than normal, which is saying  _ a lot _ , so I decided to do some digging. Guess what I found.”

 

“What?” Jim asks. He feels trepidation settle into his bones, and he  _ knows _ that his entire world his about to shift; knows that the dynamic he and Tony share is about to change. 

 

“We’re not bonding right, Rhodey! It’s all in the article! The data pool is small and we’d probably have to experiment to form our own conclusion, but it just  _ fits _ !” 

 

“I don’t understand -”

 

“Just read it, Rhodey!”

 

Jim reads the headline and feels exhaustion settle heavy into his bones. “Science Points to New Link between Depression and Unbonded Soulmates”.

 

_ Not much study has been done on soulmates who fail to bond properly. Dr. Kendra Matteson, leading expert in soulmate bonds, says, “While what we know is limited, the information we have gathered from previous studies has been vital in understanding soulmates and the different types of soul bonds. What we have now discovered is that, when soulmates fail to properly bond, they often develop depression. These symptoms don’t differ from those of clinical depression, so most unbonded soulmates believe themselves to be clinically depressed. What makes this different, however, is the fact that the symptoms dissipate drastically or disappear altogether after two soulmates have been properly bonded. _

 

“See, Rhodey! It fits!  _ That’s  _ why we’ve been feeling like this! Well, I’m just fucked up, but I guess this just means that I’m more fucked up than normal? But anyway, this explains it all so much, why you’ve been feeling so depressed and why mine has been worse than normal and - why are you shaking your head at me?”

 

“Tones…” Jim rubs his fist over his eyes and sighs. He’s so  _ tired _ . “I get it, okay? It makes sense. But this? Us? I...I can’t.”

 

Tony’s face falls. He blinks rapidly; Jim suspects that he’s holding back tears. He feels guilty, but he can’t do this. He  _ can’t _ . Not when he’s worked too hard to convince his superiors that he and Tony are platonic soulmates, not when he’s worked so hard to convince himself that he’s straight. Jim loves Tony, loves him so deeply it  _ hurts _ , and he wants to shout it from the rooftops, but he can’t. Not with the military down his throat and not with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He’s worked too hard for this.

 

The weight of depression is crushing. Jim sometimes wishes he were dead just so he could have a little bit of peace. Not that he would tell anybody aside from Tony, and Tony only knows because he can feel when Jim’s emotions get too intense.

 

But he won’t let depression crush him when he’s worked so hard to get to where he is. 

 

Jim is in love with Tony. Jim knows that Tony feels the same; he can feel it in his very core. But they can’t be together. At least not until DADT is repealed. 

 

“Rhodey...Come on.” Tony chews on a hangnail, and it hits Jim that he hasn’t seen Tony this afraid and unsure since college. “We could always work something out, right? It’d be worth trying, wouldn’t it? This way we wouldn’t feel so shitty all the time? The data says -”

 

“I know what it says, Tony. But we can’t, okay? Not yet.”

 

“Why not?” Tony bristles. Jim can feel the anger and anxiety, and he knows that Tony knows exactly why they can’t, but he’s just so fucking  _ dense _ sometimes. 

 

“Because, Tony!” Jim waves his hands indignantly. “I’m in the  _ military! _ Remember Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? I’d lose my job if someone caught us. Do you want that?”

 

“Of course I don’t -”

 

“Well it sure fucking seems that way! God, Tones…” Jim knows he’s going to regret the words about to leave his mouth, but he can’t force himself to  _ shut up _ . “You’re being really goddamn selfish.”

 

Tony recoils as though Jim had physically struck him. His eyes glisten with tears for the briefest of moments, and then Jim watches as the Tony Stark persona falls into place. Tony’s smile is sharp and scathing; too many teeth and not an ounce of emotion. Jim hates the masks Tony wears, but he hates being on the receiving end of them more. 

 

“Okay, fine,” Tony says. “So this is how we’re gonna do this, huh?”

 

“Tony --” 

 

“No, no, let me finish, Jim.” Jim flinches at the use of his name. Tony hasn’t called him ‘Jim’ since their freshman year of college, since Tony said,  _ “Jim is so  _ boring _!”  _ and had dubbed him Rhodey. “You want to call me selfish? Fine, you wouldn’t be the first. It  _ hurts _ like a bitch, but I knew the other shoe would fucking drop eventually. But you want to know what else?”

 

Tony steps closer, and underneath the anger, Jim feels  _ concern, pain, desperation, sadsadsad _ . It pours off of Tony in waves, and it hits Jim then that Tony feels exactly what he’s feeling.  _ I want this, but I can’t, scared scared I’m too scared _ .

 

“I know you’re afraid,” Tony says. They’re almost nose to nose. Jim can smell Tony’s cologne, and he yearns to reach out and kiss the other man. “And contrary to popular belief, I get it, okay? I would never ask you to risk losing your job for me. But honeybear...Did it ever occur to you that I might actually be doing this for you? That I might be worried about you? That I can feel what you’re feeling and that I don’t want you to feel this way anymore?”

 

Jim could cut the tension with a knife. He can feel Tony’s breath, count the freckles on his nose.  _ It’s all been leading up to this _ , Jim thinks. His heart pounds in his chest. There’s no turning back after this. Everything will change depending on what Jim decides. His future, his relationship with Tony. 

 

“The ball’s in your court, sugar. So what’ll it be?”

 

He doesn’t think. Refuses to think about the ramifications, what this means. His lips crash against Tony’s; there’s a gnashing of teeth and too much tongue at first, but eventually they find a rhythm, and Jim sighs happily. Tony’s lips are soft and smooth, and one of Jim’s hands finds its way to Tony’s hands all on its own. Tony draws Jim closer to him, and Jim feels the overwhelming sadness ebb way. Two souls bonding at last, connected as one. 

 

Jim feels lighter than he has in years. It’s almost enough to make him forget about the Air Force and DADT. 

 

Almost. 

 

He and Tony pull away at the same time. Tony smiles at him, soft and unsure, and Jim can feel the same look etched on his own face. The overwhelming despair has been replaced by anxiety.  _ The Air Force, my superiors, they’re going to find out and I’ll be kicked out and -  _

 

“Hey.” Tony cups his face and rubs a thumb over his cheek. Jim closes his eyes and relishes in the  _ completeness  _ he hasn’t felt since MIT; since the days he and Tony would snuggle together without a care in the world. “I’m with you, okay? Whatever you decide...It’s fine. We can make it work, even if you decide….” Tony swallows. “Even if you decide to keep things platonic. But I think we both know what we need to do.”

 

“I think you already know my answer.”

 

He made his decision the moment he yanked Tony in for the kiss. It was reckless, a bit stupid, and against all protocol he had to follow, but Jim knew that Tony would never lead him astray, would never put him in harm’s way.

 

Would never force Jim to risk everything, even though it meant he continued to get hurt in the process. 

 

Loving Tony is easy. Acting on it...Acting on it would be difficult, and not because of Tony. Jim could handle Tony; he knows all of his quirks, how he takes his coffee, how to get him to sleep, how to help when anxiety and depression threatened to drag him deep down under. Tony knows Jim’s favorite book, that he likes tea and only drinks coffee to stay awake, how to calm him down after a nightmare.

 

They know everything about each other.

 

Two halves of one whole.

 

So no, loving Tony wouldn’t be difficult. Hiding it from his superiors would be the hard part. Jim already felt like a fraud. What would they say if they found out that his bond was, in fact,  _ not  _ platonic? He could receive a court martial, dishonorably discharged, be ridiculed by is squadron.

 

Okay, Jim is aware that the last worry isn’t really  _ that _ big of a deal, but the court martial? The dishonorable discharge? Those are. 

 

Still, Jim knows what he needs to do. 

 

“I think you know my answer, sunshine.” The old nickname rolls off his tongue as easily as it had at MIT, and his heart leaps in his chest as Tony blushes. Their next kiss isn’t desperate; it’s slow and passionate, exploring the only parts of each other they hadn’t yet gotten to know.

 

It wouldn’t be easy. They would have to hide from Jim’s superiors, and Tony still had his own mental health issues to cope with. But the contentment he feels, Jim knows, isn’t only his own. For the first time in years, both of them are at peace. 

 

And when Tony whispers, “I love you darling,” as they both drift off to sleep later that night, Jim knows that he is finally home. 


End file.
